14 years, and 4 kids in.. This shit is hard.

“Marriage is a bed of roses” – said no one. EVER.

Let it be said at the outset, I’m not hating on marriage. It is a wonderful thing when you find a person who you can make a life with, share children with, see the world with, laugh with, cry with, grow old with you get it.

But I truly don’t believe marriage is natural.

I know I’m going to get a LOT of push back on this, and that’s ok. Perspectives are meant to be different.
Sharing your life, your home, your routine with someone requires you to do a LOT of sacrificing. And often times, our dreams, hopes and wants get put on the back burner to accommodate your partner.

Mine have, and I’m sure his have as well. And if we’re not careful, this can cause resentment. It has in one way or the other for us.

Marriage is a business, rather than an innate animal behavior.

I’m not a marriage therapist, so take this all with a grain of salt

Marriage is a decision, and making it work is a decision. This is something we do consciously every day. Why? Because I know that when I’m old, Matte will be next to me, and I wouldn’t wait it any other way. I want him to be with me. I want to go through life with him, but life is hard enough as it is, yet alone doing it with someone else.

This is what people don’t talk about..

Let me say this, I have no desire to put the ups and downs of my life with Matte out in the world, but I also want to be real, and honest and share the truth of what no one talks about.

If you have a partnership that is 100% perfect, with no issues, my hats off to you my friend. But I’d hazard a guess that most people aren’t in this boat. And I think we should normalize how incredibly difficult marriage, and partnership is.

It’s like being on a life long roadtrip with someone you don’t get a break from.

Think of it like this.. Roadtrips are AWESOME! Sign me up! I love the adventures, and snacks.. (no roadtrip is complete without bags of snacks like we’re 8 years old going to 7-11 in the summer! HOLLA!) There is so much to be excited about right as you pack the car, close the door, hand on the steering wheel and declare, ”Ready?” to which your partner says, “Ready!!!!” Handbrake down, hit reverse, then you’re of!!

There’s nothing more exhilarating than those first few hours of that trip. Music is on, hands are out the window, moving through the wind, laughing together, one hand your partners leg, and of course, your snakin on your snacks.
You are unstoppable.

Then the road gets bumpy, you get lost, you’re tired, perhaps you agreed on who would drive when, but that agreement changed. You get car sick, you pick up people along the way who won’t stop talking, but you committed to taking them to their destination, so you’re stuck with them. Your car breaks down, there are lots of unexpected costs, and you both have just had it and want to call it quits.

See where I’m going with this?

But then you look at your partner

You see why you decided on this roadtrip of a life together. You look back at the kids in the car screaming their heads off, and smile, because they’re also pretty cool, and funny, and love you unconditionally. You look at your house full of needed repairs, and remember this is still your home – and that means a hell of a lot. Your dreams that were once a step away, are put on the backburner, because you know in your core, it’s best for the family you’ve created. You’re no longer on the road, traveling solo.

You’ve wanted to jump ship, get the hell out the car and just start your own journey more often than you care to admit. But when you do, you know rather be in the noisy car with your person.

That’s me.

This is us.

Marriage is difficult, but like everything else in life, nothing comes easy.

We’ve just got to put in the work.

I want to give a HUGE thank you to Malaky Photography. She is the absolutely best Photographer and I knew when we were going to New York, I HAD To have her photograph us. The time with her did not just produce these incredible photographs, but it did wonders for me and Matteo.

Here’s everything you need to get in touch with her.
Website
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Aniya, xO

Showing women their most Badass Self is my Speciality

Hey, I’m Aniya (Ah-Knee-Ya). Photographing women and giving them the space and freedom to be who they are is what I live for. I love connecting with people and hearing their stories – everybody has one.

I’m based in Barbados, and available for commissions worldwide.